Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Dr S. Wow! 2
I am forever fascinated by how one person can have such a profound effect on the other. Dr Sheldon and I got pretty close. I had a feeling that he could help me and I was happy that he cared. He started doing therapy on me in exchange for my help. He was moving to Israel and he wanted me to help him with the boxes. He had a way that he wanted the boxes taped shut and I must have done it wrong. He yelled at me. He was upset. I cried. I don't think I had cried like that in a long time. It hurt so much to be criticized by someone who's love I wanted. Yes, I was angry that I had been criticized but something in me registered that this criticism was different. He showed me how he wanted the boxes done and I started doing it the right way. I knew that I wanted his approval and that I didn't want him to yell at me, so I paid extra attention to do it the right way. An incredible shift began happening when I started doing it the right way. It was the first time in my life that I had the experience of doing something right, if I applied my mind to it. For many years, I imagined that I just couldn't do anything right. My mind was so anxious and flustered that it barely knew itself to be able to settle and do something well, so it didn't. Now, I had to. I had to focus, and I did! It felt so good. I realized that I could. I could focus and do it right. I have that in me. I am able to do something right! I do have the control. Since then, I have recalled this incident over and over again, in order to give myself the strength to focus on a project. It was a painful incident, but it did give me a refreshed idea about what I'm capable of doing.