Monday, November 9, 2009

Back in America, Shidduchim?

It just seemed to be the thing to do, keep going to Yeshiva. I didn't really think about it very much. This was the time that people started going on Shiduchim, I had looked forward to this time for so long but for some reason, now that the time had arrived I seemed less excited than I thought I would be. It was after Succos and I found myself going to a Yeshiva that a friend of the family had suggested. Truth is, that by this time, I was really lost and scared, of course I didn't admit it but I didn't really know what I was doing. I was feeling raw and unclear. I remember bachurim going on shidduch dates and me being scared at how disassociated I felt from the idea of sitting across the table from a girl. I just couldn't imagine being that close to someone. What would I say? How could I possibly do this? I wondered what was wrong with me. It wasn't that the prospect of dating seemed intimidating, it was that I had no concept of it. My mind didn't grasp the idea of being close to someone. It was as if other people didn't really exist in my world. something was definitely wrong but I had no idea what. What should I do?